Where I am...I am human!

It has been a long while since I felt called to share the deepest thoughts of my heart. Day to day I share small snippets and give you a peek into how my life is unfolding. Today, like other times I shall open the door a bit wider.

So many ideas are swirling around as topics for me to dive into. I sit here and breathe into God's divine guidance and know that it will reveal itself as I write.

The past week I lost a very dear friend to cancer. She impacted my spiritual journey in ways that are hard to put into words. Her legacy is one of selfless giving balanced with self love. She lived her life in a way that was guided by pure unconditional love and faith.

I attended her memorial service on Saturday afternoon. I was honored to bear witness to those who loved her and were loved by her, share the impact her love had on their lives and the world.

She would tell me about living life on life's terms. She showed me that if I was willing to show up to the truth, I was willing to be loved by God, by others and myself.

As I watched her family process the greatness of her life, I saw them rest into gratitude. Gratitude for knowing real love. I learned to love myself in a way that honors God's plan for me. I am taking care of  my spiritual self and my body in ways that are healthy and balanced. I am learning how to push myself and to nurture myself in a way that is compassionate and patient.

I witnessed my friend's husband cope with his grief. His love for her had taught me what love is. Today I am in a loving relationship that is centered on God. A relationship that is honest, open and gentle.We have two lives that are full of creativity and integrity. We hold each other to our highest selves, yet understand that we are human.  I learned this from their relationship.

Today I am in a job that calls me to be transparent, to be compassionate and to be myself. Her work life was resplendent with humility. She knew deeply that we are no greater or less than each other. She taught me that we are on the journey together, to hold each other to the highest ideals.

I sometimes feel scared, alone and even powerless. Today those are momentary thoughts that I move through with my faith. I let myself feel those feelings. learn from them and take the next right step.

Each and every day, I get to live a blessed life. I get to share my journey in a way that is transparent, honest and full of faith, knowing tat my life does matter and that my journey through the dark can inspire others to move through their dark days.

I ask that you be honest with me. Show me how I can better nurture our relationship, my relationship with the world and with God. I am open to learning and know that each and everyone of you who has chosen to read this is on my path for a reason. What do you need from me? What would you like to give me?

Blessings to all!

Outting myself...discussing the taboo...

...as a survivor of suicidal depression...

Making the decision to speak about this scary and taboo topic has brought many questions to my doorstep.

Are you talking about it now because you are still suicidal?

What do you think God thinks about it?

Why didn't you do it?

What stops you today?

What triggers the thoughts??

How come you do not know you are loved? Matter?

So many complicated thoughts, I shall try to tackle over the next days.

I kow there are more people out there thinking about suicide than we care to know, admit, and face.

I hope that by my honesty about how I face the situation, I may empower others to face their depression and inspire others to reach out to help.

Stay tuned.

Get Out of Jail Free!

Today I am freeing myself! Today I am alive by CHOICE!

I am starting a new project today with the local Character Counts organization. We are bringing character based  life skills training to the newly paroled.Talk about new beginnings. I am humbled by the opportunity to help others begin anew.

What a powerful opportunity to see and experience the place of choice. Many of us will never know what it is like to be behind bars. Many of us have. The walls of a the psyche ward were for me as powerful as bars. Last year I spent time on a psyche ward, after I spoke about wanting to kill myself.  I remember the first evening when friends came to visit and I was not allowed to leave. In this moment, I can feel the shame, the fear, the despair. I can choose to keep my self in those feelings OR NOT!

Today I get to help others see there IS a way to start fresh. It is by choosing to do things differently. It is about just taking the next right step. We all face situations that are hard, overwhelming and often paralyzing. Well today I am choosing to step forward, inch by inch. Step into something new, something that I am called to do and something I know will make a difference in this world.

I am no different than anyone else. We all have our fears. We are all able to choose. Today I choose Hope, Today I choose Self respect. Today I choose LOVE!

Where Can Fine Artists Receive Career Help?

I have supported creative teams my entire career. Be it designers, artists, photographers, writers, musicians, the creative process is a powerful force to be reckoned with.

In my experience the most powerful support one can give is helping a highly creative person is to help them create the right structures to feed their process. Most creative people are challenged to stay focused. ideas popping up are alluring and often mire down the individual and hence they are robbed from seeing ideas come to full bloom. Very often they are bored before the idea really has a chance to blossom.

Helping creatives break down ideas into achievable actions and helping them to understand their personal process, is, I believe the most affective way to help them create.

Perhaps they need advisors on some of the protocols of the world, they would be better served by a coach who is there to help them find their way instead of telling them what to do.

Most creatives when told what to do, will generally shut down and retreat creating inaction and hence no results. Creatives are innately free spirits and are best served when this is celebrated.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

When We Promise to Pray for a Friend, We Should Do It!

Many times when I am compelled to say, I shall pray for you, recently I have been asking. "May we pray, NOW?" It is an incredible thing to do it in the moment...It is fun to share time praying with people for them.

I also use a prayer reminder website, http://www.echoprayer.com/front/welcome.php

it works for me...
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Reversing the Secularization of Eating

Six years ago after loosing over 200 pounds I made a commitment to say grace before every meal I had no matter where I was. I committed to never taking food for granted and always remembering the blessing food is in my life. After doing it with myself for a while I was drawn to ask others to join me as well, eventually it became a practice that others counted on me for.

Saying grace helps me remember the sacredness of the food, the hands that brought it to the table and the connection I have to God because of it.

When I am in public with others, be them friends or acquaintances, I ask if I may say grace. In the 5 years of asking, I have never found a person who said no. Most often the people say thank you for helping them remember to do it.

I am honored and privileged to share grace with others and feel the presence of the divine as we pause with the blessings before us.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Discipline

Today I get to decide 

which structures will
refine and strengthen me

and which will set me free. fh

Personal discipline has brought a sense of pride and accomplishment to my life. Each time I decide to rest into a practice with consistency, I am blessed with results. Quite the miracle huh??

Most of my life I knew little about personal discipline, Meaning disciplines that would benefit me on a personal and spiritual level that is. I knew how to hold onto a job, stick to deadlines, yet a dedication to MY body and spirit eluded me.

I had no idea how to rest into structure, I never thought I could...when I realized I could with a little bit of help, I was then able to see I could even do it on my own. What a concept!

This morning's yoga was in the hallway of a nursing home. As I stood and did a quiet practice, I could feel my body finding it's center. My body was saying thank you for disciplining me. Thank you for believing I am worth the investment. Thank you for the results you have helped me feel. Thank you for tomorrow's practice, I know I can count on you!

Today I am free from the guilt of skipping out on myself and today I  stand knowing I am willing to be refined!

Prayer Gathering

Do you need Prayer Time? I DO!

As we open our hearts to the Lord, he shall make it anew. 

Join us for a 30 minute prayer call. We shall have time to share prayer requests, pray and to sit with God in silence with each other. 

Matthew 18

19 Again I say to you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the middle of them.

Call in number: 1-213-289-0500

Password: 498649#

I know that when I pray with others my heart is made full by all the faith that is ignited as hearts come together...why be alone when coming together is blessed by God.

Building Strength

Day 4 Yoga - Strength

This morning I awoke to a text from a client who I respect greatly. He simply stated I should think about redefining my coaching practice to spiritual teaching. I almost fell of the bed! I could feel my stomach leap and begin to tighten all at the same time. His words stated a truth I have been looking to accept about myself.

I had been laying meditating and was preparing to move to my yoga mat. I had come to the word strength through my meditation. WOW! Building strength was a topic to explore. 

I could feel myself tightening with each step to my mat. I could feel fear creeping in and questions swirling in my head as I pondered the though of actually coming out and being with my faith in GOD in a more public way. As I moved to the mat, I could feel God's strength within me. I could feel God saying, "I have made you strong. You have been willing to be strengthened. You are ready."

I moved in a way that helped me feel His power moving. I rested into my strong arms and legs, my supple back, my breathe and I found a peacefulness that quieted my fears.

As my day moved forward I was given sign after sign that YES, this is the right path. And Yes, I am ready to take it to the next level.

Who am I being?

Willingness is opening myself
to unknown possibilities!

Yoga - Day 3 - WILLING

Such joy getting back into my yoga commitment! Today as I moved into my delightful yoga groove, I could feel my spirit rejoicing! It told me how happy it was!

Recently when I asked a client what needed to happen today. His response was. "I am going to honor myself by doing the rituals I have created." Ever since he said that to me it has echoed in my head.

Honoring ourselves with rituals, routines and practices that ignite our spirits, is what we are called to do, so we may BE who we are called to Be!

As I work towards bringing "Who's Helping Who?" into the world, I have been challenged to step into myself in ways I had not anticipated. I am being called to refine myself and to be the woman who balances asking for help and doing for others. 

Finding balance within the cycle of help and allowing it to fuel the work forward is my goal. Each day I rest into my spiritual practices of prayer, meditation and yoga, I know the results they will bring. Clarity, focus and a sense of God's love in my life can be counted on with the time invested. 

When I begin working with clients, the one thing that is a priority is to help them create practices that connect themselves to themselves and the Divine. It is the one thing I can guarantee to bring results that are lasting and grounded in truth. 

My dedication to my spiritual development fuels my daily work in ways that transcend words. A quietude that fuels the next right thought and the next right action...me BEING ME!

100 Days of YOGA! I am Committed!

Here I am once again knowing I am needing to publicly commit to my yoga practice.

The last time I did this it helped me see how much power my commitment to my physical and spiritual well being had upon my life and connection to God.

It was originally inspired by my Friend Michael Bierut who teaches a design class where he has the students do and document an activity for 100 days. As he shared some of the classes work, I was inspired to do it as well. I was able to achieve the doing and the documentation was the challenge. I achieved 135 days of yoga and maybe 90 days of documenting???

SO this commitment is the doing and the documenting!!

I know that sustained action brings predictable results!

So Here is to the results I know my yoga practice brings, Peace, clarity and a sense of connection to God and myself that I fully desire and KNOW I can have!!

Plus science tells me it can and will affect my happiness, so what the hey...I want to be happy, so I want to do yoga!!

Here is a link to the scientific proof!! Science Daily reports out on a study at the Boston School of Medicine! Powerful and factual, perfect combo!!

New Study Finds New Connection Between Yoga and Mood

If you would like to join me, I would love to hear about your insights and the results of your commitment!! 

Today I sold my wedding ring.

Yes, I needed the money and yes I needed to let go of the past, so I could move to the future that God has for me.

A future free of abuse, anger and fear. To a future full of hope, joy and God's infinite love. Today I let go of a way of seeing myself and I now see myself as God sees me, his precious child.

Today I love myself because, I know the love of Christ. Today I treat myself with respect and I am free from the bondage of my food addiction. Today, I can see myself as His messenger, because of the love and compassion I have been shown.

I am not a victim of others or myself any more. I know that the love Christ has taught me is how to love myself with patience, compassion and so very often a sense of humor. I am clear of my worthiness. I am clear that I am loved.

Today as I stood in the jeweler's office, I asked him to pray with me. He was a believer and easily held his hand out for me to hold on to. I prayed for forgiveness for myself and for my ex-husband. I prayed that we both continue to heal and seek His truth. It was a moment that I know, God heard my plea, as I felt His love envelope me. A sense of peace came over me as I cried tears of pain, joy and surrender to God's love.

God is working powerfully. He hears our prayers and will make us anew as we open our hearts to him.

Everything that broken wedding ring represented is now healed. It's missing stone, it's scratched surface, no longer represent me. I am not broken, I am whole within God.

For so many years I stayed in the marriage praying it would be peaceful. I twisted and contorted myself, thinking I could do something to change my angry husband. When I left on a night of violence, I knew that only God could change him.

As I began to realize my self worth as I lost a ton of weight, I began to see myself for who I am. I began to see what God wanted me doing. Helping others to turn their lives over to him. Turning to Him for everything.

Today I struggle financially and yet I know I will never be hungry, I will never be homeless. I will always have God's love. I may not have the lovely home I once had, but tonight I am safe! Tonight I know the love of God! Tonight I know Christ!

Spiritual Olympics: Embracing Pain as a Teacher. Goodbye Shame!

If we could embrace pain as a teacher, we would give our hearts an Einstein like genius. - Bernie Beaumont

My life is unfolding with magical magnificence, yet I feel fear, confusion, and even shame sometimes. Old habit, old beliefs...old pains...

Opportunities have been presenting themselves and I find myself circling the actions that are necessary to bring dreams to life.

Old beliefs can hold me back or I can recreate my beliefs so I may serve God's purpose for me. As I explore these old how these old beliefs came to be, I see people and circumstances weaving together to help me learn and move forward to recreate anew. 

Each time I find myself in a pickle...that is a situation that is asking me to change, I have the choice to stay or be made anew. I can be willing to feel the feelings, explore, honor and learn, OR I can run. Today I choose not to run. Today I choose my courage to face truths and know that I have the capacity to be evolved through God's grace.

For so many years I was ashamed of myself and how I choose to live my life. I was obese and stuck in my eating disorder. I abused myself and allowed others to do so as well. I allowed my low self esteem to tell me lies that I believed. And worst of all I allowed the gifts and skills that God gave me to lay fallow. 

God is calling me out BIG time. I have been in the spiritual Olympics these past few years and know that the training camp that I have been so bless with is calling me to the big ice. I know that as the opportunities to bring the concepts of giving and receiving help to the world. I am being asked to live what I speak. 

The past several months I have learned so much about my own strength as well as the power of love. The vastness of love is expansive in the face of pain. It's power is tenfold when we open ourselves to it. When I am able to rest into prayer and meditation I feel God's unconditional love.

Today I am no longer shameful. Today I face my quirks and evolve myself. Today I create a world of love and hope by stepping beyond the fear and old hurts. Today I am JOY. Today I am proud of the woman I have worked so hard to become. Today I skip, knowing I am free from fear because today I love myself and accept love of God and all those he puts on my path!

Transparency: Being open with what we have overcome.

Each of us has lived through hard, crazy and often unbelievable experiences. Those times in our lives that when you look back you just shake your head thinking, 'Did I really live through that?"

Last night I was at a business function and a colleague, who is successful and one of the most giving people I know...spoke how hard it was for her to reveal her trials and tribulations to others. How she just suffers through, alone.

I walked away thinking, how important my work is, to help others go through things together.

This morning I posted a prayer request for a friend living through a foreclosure. Many friends chimed in with support, but the most meaningful one, was an individual willing to expose herself and say she had lived through it too. She shared her lesson of "When you lose everything of monetary value, that is when you realize just how much God values you simply for being you. " WOW

A jewel of wisdom was allowed to shine bright because the courage of one person to share with honesty and compassion for their own journey.

I am humbled by unbounded faith in the willingness to reach out beyond ourselves to find connection to God and ourselves.

"I feel ashamed to ask for help."

I recently interviewed several people who have attempted suicide and heard this exact phrase from each of them. I guess I was moved so much because I said those same words myself. Have you?

Asking for help in these times of gigantic giving has become stigmatized.  We as a world are beautifully focused on giving of ourselves in ways that are unprecedented, yet we have growing populations of people stuck in the cycle of depression, addiction and failure and are unable to see beyond it.

The numbers of suicide attempts is up and more alarmingly so are the successes. Additionally obesity, alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, sexual addiction, and over spending are all on the rise. According to a recent study, more people admit to suicidal thoughts than ever before. More people are desperate beyond measure and yet cannot find it within themselves to seek the right help.

One woman interviewed told me how a friend, while visiting her in the hospital after her suicide attempt, said that he seen this coming. Staggering...what had he seen? Why had he not acted??

Herein lies the challenge. When interviewing the family and friends of people caught in the cycle of depression and/or addiction, helpless is the word that comes to mind. Does the person want help? Do they want out of the cycle? What can I do?

Our ability to ask for help in times of stress is diminished because of sense of self has been depleted. I was recently sharing my bout with a neurological illness and suicidal depression and my friend said, "I did not realize your were ill, I just thought you were drinking too much."

I felt shocked in that moment. Judged, misunderstood, ashamed. I knew this person cared about me and yet in this chasm of ignorance, my life, my value had been minimized.

Are you struggling with asking for help? I still do sometimes, and yet I know at a very deep level, my life does matter. I reach out and ask. I reach out and give. I allow the cycle to flow back and forth and some how I finally see the beautiful life I have.

The cost of following a dream...

Several years ago when I left Citibank to pursue my dream of helping others create meaningful creative lives a friend gave me The Alchemist.

It is the story of what it might cost to pursue a dream...asks you what are you willing to scarifice...endure.

These past years I have put everything I have on the line to bring the message of Who's Helping Who? to the world. Many would say that I am too brave...took too much risk, was unaware of the discomfort of those around me as they watched me endure difficulty.

Yesterday a friend who came to the gallery talk asked me why the work is so important, why I was willing to risk it all.

My response was simple. I want everyone to know they matter!! That they are worthy of receiving love, that they are capable of giving love.

I am willing to do all that I can to allow this to happen.

Recently a dear friend asked a spiritual channel about the work we are doing with Who's Helping Who? Her response looked at the work as a movement that is needed within this world. I have heard the word movement several times in relationship to the work. Each and every time I am moved to tears, knowing God is calling me to be brave, to step outside my self and open myself to serve a greater cause.

I gotta tell ya...this is HARD! I am willing clearly, yet there are the days, bill collectors call, something breaks, I need to go food shopping and I am humbled.

I know I am on the right path, and also know I am being strengthened with each step...to serve in a greater way.

What are you willing to step into? What are you willing to risk something for??

Being the change or standing against them...

This morning I had a particularly interesting client call. My client works for a big organization that is focused on growing. As a result, many elements of the way they do business are changing. Many people including them feeling victimized and stressed to do all that needs to be done to sustain the business and grow it.

We are all often caught up in changes that we have a hard time supporting, yet know at some level we need to be able to understand the changes, so we may decide to be part of them or not.

Fascinating topic: Being the change or standing against them...

The conversation this morning focused on how far are we willing to go to keep a job. What are the beliefs that we forsake because we believe our voice has no power?

As we move through the world each day, how we decide what change to stand for or against?

Do we support more? Do we support less??

In deciding what to stand for, I know personally, I have to look deep within my self to know when I choose to create.

Work harder, more money,  less time with family, self and God?

What is the balance. What is enough? What is possible?

Interested to hear what this brings up for you?

The Joy of Exchange!

An unbelievable amount of energy was exchanged at the opening on Friday evening. I felt so blessed to bear witness to people opening themselves.

I know that each and every person who added to the wall were giving part of themselves and opening themselves to receive.  It was quite beautiful!


During the evening a woman walked up to me in tears. When I asked why she was crying, she said, "Somehow you have managed to create a place where people are willing to open up! I am amazed and grateful." Needless to say I too was moved to tears of JOY. I have worked for four years to create this and knowing that I affected someone makes it all the more important to me.

Creating a space that allows us to exchange ideas, hopes and dreams is the essence intention for the installation. Opening ourselves to what we can give and what we need, cracks the door for conversations that are meaningful and important.

As I continue to document, I hope you enjoy baring witness to the amazing spirit of giving.

It takes a village, I'll Say!!

SO much love in this moment, Just a quick dispatch to say I have never been more happy in my life. I know that God is moving through me and all those around me...will post images tonight!!

Duality: It is all here! Joy and Sadness

Quite the adventure I am on. I have worked on this dream for years. As it comes to life, I am feeling floods of emotions that are all part of this adventure and part of being willing to speak the truth.

I remember when I decided to actually work on this book, Kevin Carroll, Author and Catalyst, asked me, "What needs to be said?" Those words of wisdom echo through my head every time I become fearful.

What needs to be said is asking for help is HARD! Everything about it! Admitting it, understanding it, saying the words...ALL of it!!

When I remember why I actually decided to go on this adventure, it all becomes clear. I am passionate about people getting the help they need and giving the help they can!!

Getting an experience together like this requires such tenacity of spirit, mind and body, that sometimes I get so tired, that I forget this is all about asking for help... and I forget to...hee hee

I know that all the emotions I am living through right now are part of "WHAT needs to be SAID!"

Yes, there are people I am disappointed in... Yes, I had expectations... and as much as I know I need to let go of them...it is part of this whole conversation that needs to be spoken about...

So should I not expect anything?? What is a relationship about if you cannot count on someone?? What are realistic expectation, are there such things?? These are the conversations we need to be having with each other as we build strong healthy relationships...

Sometimes relationships are one sided. We all know that...sometimes you are the one giving, sometimes the one receiving and every once in a while it is truly reciprocal...

So today...where are you?